ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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