i already hear my dad disowning me
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
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