We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize