im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
