A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I just gift wrapped bread.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
