Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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