Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
