I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
