So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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