I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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