Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
home. puking in laundry basket.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
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You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
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I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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