I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
