a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
