The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
