Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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