a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
