I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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