I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
