Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
