I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
