You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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