When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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