he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
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Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
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The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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