dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
