When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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