Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Dear god my vagina.
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