Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
