Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
