You don't have asthma, your pregnant
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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