Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
