FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
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