Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Randomize
