My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
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some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
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Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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