Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
