i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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