Heybabeimwearingurpanties
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
