Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
