wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
