My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I'm always down for nudity.
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