My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
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nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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