Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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