This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
