Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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