i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
