Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
birth control should be required to get into college
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
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