you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Green mimosas i think yes
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Randomize
