If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
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