If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
