The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
So many bounce houses so little time
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Randomize
