She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
