why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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