why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize