I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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