Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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