So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
