Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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