so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
