I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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