I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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