i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
