wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
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I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
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He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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