I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
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who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
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We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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