break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I'm gonna have a badass scar
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Randomize
