i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
