Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
