pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
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